


(Any Time At All) All You've Gotta Do Is Call

by Attila



Series: that fluffy cop AU [2]
Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Alternate Universe - Police, F/F, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:45:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5700559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attila/pseuds/Attila
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Criminals need babysitters too, as it turns out.</p><p>Or, Claudia is a big damn bodyguard hero, Uncle Woolly isn't actually a mob name, and there are gratuitous mentions of black leather catsuits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Any Time At All) All You've Gotta Do Is Call

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a time, LITERALLY TWO YEARS AGO, an anon on tumblr said I should write Claudia babysitting Christina for the first time. "That's a good idea!" I said to myself. "I will totally write that soon. Very soon. So soon. Soon is going to be my watchword."
> 
> Like I said, literally two years later, here it is.
> 
> (As always, I know nothing about actual police departments and did not bother to do any research. Except for the bit about talking on your phone while driving. That, I looked up.)

Claudia flails madly when her cell phone starts ringing, because it’s…somewhere on her desk, really it is. Probably. Maybe a drawer, come on, she can’t be expected to know where important personal objects are _all the time_ , and anyway, she’s still better than Pete, whose desk has been known to cause small natural disasters when bumped. Last time, seven file folders and all their contents, several amusing knick-knacks that probably hadn’t seen the light of day in months, and a bottle of apple juice cascaded to the ground and put an innocent passerby in the hospital. With a twisted ankle, but still.

The point is that Pete is worse, and Myka will definitely back her up on that.

And her phone is being used as a bookmark for the weird robbery on 27th, right. She grabs it just before it goes voicemail, slamming it to her ear and saying, “Yes, hi, I am totally here and so is my phone, hello?”

“Claudia,” says a very familiar, very British, very criminal-mastermind-sounding voice. “Thank god. It’s an emergency.”

Claudia blinks. “I’m not helping you hide the body,” she says, kneejerk.

“I’m insulted,” H.G. says, and Claudia snorts.

“Really?” she says. “You, the international alleged criminal, are insulted?”

“I’m insulted that you think I would need help,” H.G. says smoothly. “But I’m not in the mood to joke around; this is serious.”

Claudia frowns. “Really? ‘Cause usually you’re never serious.”

“I’m aware,” H.G. says. “As I informed you, it’s an emergency. I need you at my house _right now_.”

“Are you… This isn’t a joke, is it? Because you’re great, we all like you, in between arresting you—and usually during—and I know we have a lot of fun, but…”

“ _Claudia_ ,” H.G. says. “My house. And bring your gun.” And then she hangs up.

“Drama queen,” Claudia mutters, staring at her phone. Then the last sentence registers. “ _Holyshit_ ,” she blurts out, grabs her weapon, and runs out of the precinct.

She makes it to H.G.’s house in record time, probably partly because she maybe, possibly, just a little bit breaks a _few_ traffic laws on the way. But not, like, badly, and whatever, it’s an _emergency_. An H.G. emergency, which is probably worse than the normal kind. And hopefully illegal, in which case she can get her arresting on.

Though if H.G.’s called her for help, and she responds with arresting her, Claudia is going to feel at least a little bad.

Which is probably why Artie is always so pissed about how much time they spend with the criminal. It all makes sense now.

Claudia parks her car in a space that is definitely in front of someone’s driveway and therefore _flagrantly_ illegal, grabs her gun, and races to the door. She pounds on it, _hard_ , and yells, “If someone does not open this door in the next sixty seconds, I’m kicking it down! I’m a cop, I know how to do that!”

There’s silence, and then she hears Christina call back, “I’ll be right there!”

Claudia stares at the door, and then quickly holsters her gun. She might not know much about kids, or, like, safety but ‘no guns’ seems pretty basic.

“Actually,” says Christina, sounding much closer now, “do you think you could kick the door down anyway? That sounds cool.”

“Uh, no,” Claudia says, relaxing. Christina does not sound nearly anxious enough for this to be a ‘burst in, guns blazing’ kind of situation. “That sounds like a bad idea. Think you could open it for me?”

After a short pause, Christina says slowly, “Maybe I can’t find the keys.”

Claudia rolls her eyes, even though the kid definitely can’t see her. It feels like an eye rolling kind of moment. “I don’t believe you. And either way, you do not sound _nearly_ desperate and emergency-having enough for me to kick your door down. Where’s your mom, anyway? Is this even an emergency?”

Christina opens the door and pouts. “You couldn’t have kicked down the door _just once_? You’re no fun.”

“Hey!” Claudia says, honestly offended. “I am totally fun! You, on the other hand, are a brat, and totally undeserving of kicked down doors.”

Christina looks unimpressed. “You don’t think I’m a brat.”

Claudia stands firm for about 0.8 seconds before she breaks and says, “No, you’re right, you’re an angel.”

“Yup,” Christina says. She looks pensive. “If I tell you something that will make you mad at my mom, can you kick down the door?”

“No,” Claudia says automatically. She thinks about it for a couple seconds, and then downgrades to, “Probably not. Is it an illegal something?”

“No,” Christina says, rolling her eyes. “I wouldn’t tell you _that_. But it’s really annoying.”

“Okay,” Claudia says. “But before that, why am I _here_? Where is your mom?”

“That’s the annoying thing,” Christina says. “She’s totally not here. She left to…” She squints suspiciously at Claudia and finishes, “Do something important. You’re here to bodyguard.”

“Bodyguard?” Claudia says.

“Mom couldn’t take me with her, but she’s got a lot of people who don’t like her, so she thinks they might try to hurt me. You have a gun and… ‘Seem to be affectionate enough to be invested in my welfare,’” Christina says, clearly quoting.

Claudia runs that through her brain, and her jaw drops. “I’m here to _babysit_?”

“I’m _not_ a baby!” Christina snaps. “And I don’t need a babysitter!”

“Right,” Claudia says quickly. “Right, sure. I’m here to bodyguard. Hey, she made me think someone was _dying_ over here!”

“ _Now_ will you kick the door down?” Christina says eagerly.

Claudia is only a little ashamed to admit she really, seriously thinks about it before she says regretfully, “I probably shouldn’t.”

Christina pouts. “You’re lame.”

Claudia gasps. “Take that back! I am totally cool and awesome. And I will totally prove it by being the best bodyguard ever. Right after I make a phone call.”

Christina shrugs. “Okay,” she says, grabbing Claudia’s hand and dragging her through the house to flop onto a couch in the living room. “But Mom totally knew you were going to call the police on her, so they probably won’t be able to find her.”

“We are super good at our jobs,” Claudia says.

Christina rolls her eyes. “Sure.”

Claudia gives into immaturity and sticks her tongue out, and then she calls Myka.

“Bering,” Myka says, picking up promptly.

“Hey,” Claudia says, leaning back on the couch. “Your girlfriend’s committing a crime somewhere.”

“I don’t have a—Helena’s committing a crime? What? Where?”

“No idea,” Claudia says cheerfully. “To either. But she called me over to her house with a really bogus emergency, and when I showed up, the only one here was Christina, who says H.G. had to go out and, quote, do something. I’m here to bodyguard, apparently.”

There’s silence on the other end of the line. “She could just be doing her grocery shopping,” Myka says at last.

“Honestly,” Claudia says, “I think if she were, she’d have brought Christina or already set up a bodyguard. This seemed really last minute, which isn’t like her. She doesn’t take risks with her kid’s life.”

“You’re right,” Myka says. “All right, Pete and I are on it. Text me if you have new leads. You’re staying with Christina, right?”

“Yeah,” Claudia says. “I know I’m supposed to be at work, but I think H.G.’s got the right idea with the whole bodyguard thing. I bet there’s a lot of people out there who would be fine hurting a kid to get to her mom.”

“I know,” Myka says. “I don’t want Christina left on her own.”

“Don’t worry,” Claudia says, ruffling Christina’s hair and grinning at her when the kid looks up. “I’m going to be the best bodyguard ever.”

Myka laughs. “Good. Thanks for the tip. I’ll tell Artie you’re staking out a source.”

Claudia snorts. “Right. Probably for the best.”

“Call me if she gets back.”

“Will do. Thanks, Myka.”

“You too,” Myka says and hangs up.

Claudia pockets her phone and looks down at Christina. “So, kid,” she says. “Got any video games in this house? Because I am going to kick your butt.”

“You are _not_ ,” Christina says. “Hey, if I beat you, will you kick the door down?”

“If I beat _you_ , will you tell me where your mom is?” Claudia says.

Christina scowls. “No.”

“Then, no,” Claudia says. “But I’ll take you out for ice cream instead, okay?”

“And if I’m _good_ , you’ll kick down the door?” Christina says, not one to let something go.

Claudia laughs. “Kid,” she says, “ _no_.”

\--

Claudia totally ends up taking Christina out for ice cream, and she barely even gives herself any handicaps while playing. The kid is a shark. Which, frankly, is only to be expected from the only daughter of Helena something-with-a-G Wells, internationally wanted and internationally impossible to arrest.

“Okay,” Claudia says, as they get into her car. “Rules. Normally, I hate rules, but in this case, there’s a big one: if don’t stick close to me, and then you get killed or kidnapped or whatever, your mom will murder me. Therefore, _afterwards_ , you have to weep on my grave and then give evidence about _something_ Myka and Pete can put her in jail for. As an apology.”

Christina giggles. “Sure, Claudia.”

“Great,” Claudia says. “Awesome. Looking forward to my eventual death. Honestly, the things I do for this department.”

“I’ll stay with you and your gun,” Christina says. “Don’t worry. My mom’s an internationally wanted alleged criminal. I don’t run off.”

“You are way too blasé about that, you know,” Claudia says.

Christina wrinkles her forehead. “Blasé?”

“Uh,” Claudia says. “Relaxed? Indifferent?”

“Oh,” Christina says. “Yeah. Uncle Woolly says so, too. Then mom says I’m just exceptional, and Uncle Woolly says her parenting style is what’s exceptional, and then Mom says she’s glad he thinks so, and Uncle Woolly tells me he’s going to kidnap me and give me to better parents. But he doesn’t, of course.”

Claudia bites her lip, feeling weirdly like she’s betraying a trust when she says, as casually as she can, “Uncle Woolly?”

“He doesn’t do illegal things,” Christina says promptly.

“Not that you’d tell me if he did,” Claudia says with a sigh. “Is he your mom’s brother?”

“No,” Christina says. “Mom has a brother, but she says they ‘get along better from a distance.’ Or something. Uncle Woolly’s mom’s friend, but he’s been around since I was little.”

“ _Has_ he,” Claudia says, unable to keep her interest out of her voice.

“Not for the alleged stuff,” Christina repeats. “Mostly he baby— _bodyguards_. And makes sure we’re eating real food. Mom can’t cook.”

“You’d think she’d have more time for cookbooks when she’s in elevator shafts,” Claudia says, mind whirling. “Woolly. Is that short for something?”

“Probably,” Christina says, but when Claudia glances at her, she mimes zipping her lips shut and throwing the key out of the car window.

“Oh, come on!” Claudia says. “He doesn’t do anything alleged, you already said.”

“I don’t think that’s how you use that word,” says Christina.

“Oh my _god_ , you are the worst child,” Claudia says. “Come on, one hint about Uncle Woolly? I’ll buy you an extra scoop of ice cream.”

“You can’t _bribe_ me,” Christina says. “If law enforcement could bribe me with ice cream, don’t you think my mom would have been in jail years ago, in the hypothetical universe where she might be a criminal?”

“You are way too good at this for your age, you know,” Claudia says. “See if I bodyguard you again.”

“That’s okay,” Christina says. “Uncle Woolly usually does it.”

“ _Really_ ,” Claudia says.

“You get that ‘cause I like you,” Christina says, and Claudia feels a honest-to-god swelling of her heart, Grinch-style.

“That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me,” she says. “But it doesn’t mean I’m not gonna report that to Myka and Pete straight off.”

“I figured,” Christina says serenely. “You can call them right now, if you like.”

Claudia takes a hand off the wheel to point at her. “Talking on the phone while driving is incredibly dangerous. And also illegal in the state of New York. Hey, does your mom do that?”

“So you can fine her up to two hundred dollars?” Christina says. “Sure, okay.”

“You _should not_ know the maximum fine for that,” Claudia says. “I don’t know the maximum fine for that!”

“I’m very good with laws and penalties,” Christina says. “I read them before bed instead of counting sheep.”

“That’s terrifying,” Claudia says. “You’re terrifying. Your mother is the worst mother. I don’t even know your Uncle Woolly, and I think he should kidnap you.”

“I’ll tell him you said so,” Christina says, “when I tell him I set the coppers on him.”

“Cops,” Claudia says. “You live in America now.”

“Only because Mom’s in love with Myka,” Christina says. “We might move back sometime.”

“What, after your mom falls out of love with Myka?” Claudia says.

Christina tilts her head to the side. “You’re right. I live in America now.”

\--

At the ice cream shop, Claudia gives Myka a call, keeping an eye on Christina, who’s inspecting the flavors. “Your girlfriend’s got a boyfriend,” she says as soon as the call connects.

There’s a long pause, and then Myka says, “You know, if I were actually in love with her, that would be a terrible way to break that to me.”

“Mostly I was hoping you’d get really jealous and admit the truth to yourself,” Claudia admits. “And you are in love with her, don’t front.”

“Claudia,” Myka says, “is there a point to this call?”

“Yeah,” Claudia says. “Your girlfriend’s got a boyfriend.”

“ _Claudia_.”

“Okay, not really. But there’s a dude she’s friends with who Christina says she usually gets left with when H.G. runs off to do bad things.”

“Really,” Myka says. “You think he’s an accomplice?”

“I don’t know if he breaks the law himself, other than not turning H.G. in,” Claudia says. “Christina says he doesn’t, but that’s what she’d say no matter what, so. But either way, I think he definitely knows stuff. And I’d feel a lot better interrogating a grown man about what his friend does than I do interrogating Christina about what her mom does.”

“This might be the first decent lead we’ve gotten,” Myka says. “And Christina just _told_ you? She’s usually so good about that.”

“She said it was because she likes me,” Claudia says, unable to stop herself sounding smug.

“Or it could be a dead end,” Myka says. “Some kind of red herring meant to throw us off. You get a name?”

“Woolly,” Claudia says. “Only I don’t know if that’s short for something, or some kind of inside joke nickname.”

There’s a long, judgmental silence.

“Hey!” Claudia protests. “I did the best I could!”

“Woolly,” Myka repeats flatly.

“Okay, that is not all we have to go on,” Claudia says. “He’s Christina’s usual bodyguard, right? So he probably came to New York at around the same time as H.G., from London, and he’s almost certainly got a gun. He might even have a license, since H.G. is usually careful about keeping everything she can squeaky clean.”

The silence is less judgmental this time. “Fine,” Myka says. “I’ll look into it.”

Claudia waves a hand in the air, even though this is a phone conversation and Myka can’t see her. “No, I will, once I’m done taking care of Christina. That’s, like, my thing. I can hack stuff.”

“ _Claudia_.”

“In a very legal way? No. In a very secret way?”

“That’s worse,” Myka says, but then she says, “Just make sure none of us know,” so Claudia figures she’s okay.

“Cool. Any luck with the hunt for H.G.?”

“No,” Myka says shortly and hangs up without saying goodbye, which means it’s going _really_ badly.

Claudia pockets her phone and goes to the counter, where Christina is very seriously observing a bucket of rocky road. “Your mom is going to break Myka’s heart.”

“She’s not the one who won’t even admit she has feelings,” Christina says. “I think it’s the other way around.”

Claudia shakes her head and asks to try the cherry chunk.

\--

After they get back from the ice cream shop, Claudia puts her hands on her hips. “Okay, munchkin,” she says.

“Munchkin?” Christina says dubiously.

“Sure,” Claudia says. “You’re tiny.”

“Okay,” Christina says. “Sure.”

“Really?” Claudia says. “No offense? I’ve never called anyone tiny without getting blowback before.”

“It’ll be better for air vents,” Christina says.

“ _What_.”

“What? I said, ‘I’m younger than you, it’s normal.’ What did you think I said?” Christina says, blinking up at Claudia in a manner far too regular to be natural.

“You are playing with my feelings,” Claudia says. She considers it. “I really shouldn’t find that cute.”

“I’m very cute,” Christina agrees.

“No air vents,” Claudia says. “None.”

“Okay, Claudia,” Christina says cheerfully. “What now? More video games?”

“What do you usually do with Uncle Woolly?” Claudia asks.

Christina snorts. “No.”

“Oh, come on! That can’t possibly be important,” Claudia says.

“Probably not,” Christina says.

“And I thought we were friends,” Claudia says.

“And nemeses, I think,” Christina says. “Since you want to put my mom in jail and everything.”

“It’s always the little things that get you,” Claudia says. She cocks her head to the side. “Any idea when your mom is getting home?”

“No,” Christina says. “It was some emergency. I don’t actually know details. _Honestly_. She just ran out and told me you’d be here soon.”

“Okay, so I might have to think about dinner,” Claudia says. She thinks about it. “Okay, I might have to think about takeout. Got any favorite places? You said your mom can’t cook either.”

“There’s a Thai place,” Christina says. “But I’m not hungry yet.”

“Cool, we’ll do that whenever you want,” Claudia says. “Mario Kart?”

\--

When H.G. finally gets home, it’s four in the morning, and Claudia is drinking coffee straight from the pot, sitting in Christina’s room, and playing Trivia Crack on her phone. “What NBA coach is nicknamed the ‘Zen Master’?” she asks without looking up.

“How on earth should I know?” H.G. says softly.

“Damn,” Claudia says as she loses. “Dang,” she corrects, glancing over at Christina, though the kid is clearly asleep and probably already corrupt enough that a swear word here or there isn’t going to make much of a difference.

“How is she?” H.G. whispers, going over to the bed and kneeling down.

“Ate an honestly impressive amount of pad thai, thoroughly trounced me in Mario Kart, and fought me on bedtime until she was so tired she nearly walked into a wall,” Claudia says. “I think she’s good.”

H.G. reaches out and strokes Christina’s hair. “Sweetheart,” she says.

Christina groans. “Mom?” she mutters. “Are you back?”

“Yes,” H.G. says. “I’m home.”

“Was everything okay?” Christina says, bleary.

“All taken care of,” H.G. assures her.

“Okay,” Christina says and rolls over and goes back to sleep.

H.G. straightens up and jerks her head at Claudia, who follows her out of the room and into the kitchen.

“So,” Claudia says, dumping the coffee pot in the sink, “as a reward for being big damn bodyguard hero, do I get to know what emergency _led_ me to being a big damn bodyguard hero?”

H.G. fills a glass with water from the tap and takes a long drink. “I was abducted by aliens.”

“H.G.”

“Claudia.”

“Oh, come on!” Claudia says. “A little hint.”

“A little hint for the police about the sudden emergency the alleged criminal had? _Claudia_ ,” H.G. says patiently. “I think not.”

“Okay, fine,” Claudia says, crossing her arms and leaning against the kitchen island. “But if anything criminal _at all_ happened today, you’re getting hauled in for questioning, and I hope you know that.”

“I look forward to being interrogated about muggings and traffic violations, in that case,” H.G. says. She hums thoughtfully. “If Myka is doing the interrogating, I’ll even dress up.”

Claudia frowns. “As a criminal, or in a way that’ll make her jump you?”

“Black leather catsuit shoots two birds with one stone,” H.G. says cheerfully.

“I always wondered about that expression,” Claudia says. “Like, how does that work? Are the birds really close together? Or is it, like, angles? Because if so, you’d think that by the time the stone bounced off the first bird and hit the second it would’ve lost a lot of its original momentum, and…this is not the point.”

“Probably not,” H.G. agrees. “Though it is an interesting thought experiment.”

“Right?” Claudia says. “Hang on, _black leather catsuit_? If you actually wear that to an interrogation, I swear on, like, something cool, I will do something awesome for you. I will _spill water all over Myka’s shirt_ kind of awesome.”

“Oh, Claudia, darling,” H.G. says. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

“I’m not even joking here, do we have a deal?” Claudia says, holding her hand out.

H.G. laughs, but she takes it and shakes. “Why not? Detective Donovan, we do indeed.”

“This is the greatest day of my life,” Claudia says solemnly. “Or it will be until you actually wear that catsuit into the precinct, when it will be _rudely kicked out of the running_.”

“I can honestly say I can’t wait,” H.G. says.

“Oh, hey, speaking of Myka,” Claudia says, patting herself down until she remembers where she put her phone. “I said I’d call her when you got home.”

H.G. straightens up, putting her water to the side. “Let me do it,” she says eagerly. “I never get to call Myka.”

“Don’t you have her number?” Claudia says. “You’ve had mine and Pete’s for, like, ages. I can give you hers, if you want—”

H.G. is already shaking her head. “I want _Myka_ to give me her phone number. You giving it to me after she’s already refused seems underhanded.”

“And black leather catsuits are…?” Claudia says.

“Claudia, darling, black leather catsuits are just about the least underhanded thing I can think of,” H.G. says dryly, taking Claudia’s phone and pulling up Myka’s information. “All a black leather catsuit does is extend an invitation. A very obvious invitation.”

“You could make a sign,” Claudia suggests. “Like, ‘you’re in a police precinct with the woman your woman could look like.’”

“I was thinking something more subtle,” H.G. says. “You know, along the lines of, ‘my breasts might not be as magnificent as yours, but that doesn’t mean you’ve stopped looking at them since I walked in.’”

“Might be a little long,” Claudia says. “Better just go with a standard: ‘this would look even better on your floor.’”

“Now, now, I don’t want to come on too strong,” H.G. says.

“Right, of course,” Claudia says. “ _What_ was I thinking.”

H.G. snorts but doesn’t otherwise respond, lifting the phone to her ear. “Actually, it’s me, Myka,” she says after a moment. “Claudia was good enough to allow me to call to inform you that I am no longer up to no good.” A pause, and then H.G. says, “You don’t want to talk to me? I’m hurt,” and after a moment, she adds, “ _We_ could talk about my criminal actions. …Well, no. But you could tell me what you _think_ I was doing, and I could deny it charmingly.”

There’s more silence, and Claudia spares a moment to bemoan the fact that she didn’t put the phone on speaker.

“Oh, come now,” H.G. says, “you think I’m at least a little charming.” Then she grins and says, “That’s not a denial.” Another pause and then, “A tenet I’ve founded my life on. …Now, now, that sounds like police brutality to me. …Yes, Myka?” H.G. laughs and says, “Yes, yes, all right.”

She pulls the phone away from her ear and holds it out. “She wants to talk to you,” she says cheerfully. “But, you know, I think she’s warming up to me. See if you can’t put in a good word, won’t you, darling?”

“I don’t think she needs to warm up to you,” Claudia says, taking the phone, “since she’s only holding out based on some weird ‘conflict of interest’ stuff or whatever, but sure.”

“Just a black leather catsuit away from going to dinner with me?” H.G. says.

“If we’re really lucky,” Claudia says, snickering, and she puts the phone to her ear. “Hey, Myka. H.G.’s totally in love with you, it’s sweet. You should really let her take you to a movie or something.”

“ _Claudia_.”

“Okay, okay, police shenanigans first, fixing your love life after, I get it. Did you find out anything about H.G.’s emergency?” Claudia turns around, leaning her elbows on the island to give herself the illusion of privacy, though H.G. doesn’t bother to go anywhere.

“Maybe,” Myka says. “I’m not sure. We definitely never found her, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have leads. At this point, the best thing for us to do might just be to haul her in for anything big enough that happened today. Even if we can’t arrest her, it might be useful to see what kind of alibi she has.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Claudia says. “You should definitely bring her in for _absolutely anything_ that happened today. Anything at all.”

Silence on the other end of the line, and then Myka says very slowly, “Suddenly, I’m concerned.”

“That, that is _completely unjustified_ ,” Claudia says. “I have no idea why you’d—I’m concerned for _you_ , honestly.”

“Sure,” Myka says. “Anyway, I’ll talk to you at the precinct tomorrow. Get some sleep.”

“Yeah, you too,” Claudia says. “Want to wish H.G. sweet dreams?”

“ _Good night_ , Claudia,” Myka says and hangs up.

Claudia shrugs and slides her phone back into her pocket. “Okay, that’s that,” she says, turning back to face H.G. “For the record, she’s totally in love with you.”

H.G. just smiles. “I meant to say before—thank you. For coming to look after Christina. I do truly appreciate it.”

“Oh, um, yeah,” Claudia says, looking down. She’s pretty sure she’s blushing. “I mean, it’s not a big deal. She’s a good kid.”

“She is,” H.G. says. “So are you.”

“Hey, come on, I’m an adult,” Claudia says, relieved to be on familiar ground again. “Look at me, adult…ing all over the place. I’ve got a legal job and everything, which is more than I can say for you.”

H.G. laughs. “Very true. Now, I feel a little awkward offering to, ah, pay you, but I understand it _is_ standard practice for babysitters—”

“Hey, now,” Claudia says, holding her hands out. “Bodyguards, come on.”

“Of course, how could I forget,” H.G. says. “Nevertheless—”

“No, H.G., come on,” Claudia says, folding her arms. “It was fun. Besides, I’m totally getting paid for today by my _real_ job, since Myka told Artie I was staking out a source. And we’re, like, uh. Friends. And stuff.”

H.G. smiles, pushing her hair back with one hand. “We are, at that.”

“So, like, you don’t need to pay me or whatever,” Claudia says. “And, you know, if Uncle Woolly is ever busy again—and wow does that ever sound like a mob name when I say it, how did I not notice that—I’m, you know, available.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” H.G. says. “And Woolly is _not_ in the mob.”

“Really?” Claudia says. “What _is_ he in?”

“Claudia.”

“You know, you sound just like Myka when you do that,” Claudia says. “It’s clearly fate.”

“I bow to your superior experience in such matters,” H.G. says.

“Ooh, that was _mean_ , you must be tired,” Claudia says cheerfully, straightening up and grabbing her jacket off the chair she’d thrown it onto earlier. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

H.G. follows her to the door. “I really am grateful, you know.”

“Sure,” Claudia says. “Hey, next time you can just drop her off at the precinct. She can hang out at my desk. Pete’d like that, he loves kids.”

“What, so the police can tail me out of there?” H.G. says. “I think not.”

“Yeah, but, upside: you’d get to see Myka,” Claudia says.

“You do make a compelling point,” H.G. says, opening the front door as Claudia slips on her shoes. “Get some sleep, darling. You’ll need to be well-rested for all those things you’re going to arrest me for tomorrow.”

“Please, H.G.,” Claudia says. “After all the times we’ve arrested you, I’m pretty sure I could do it in my sleep.” She walks out the door, but turns back around at the last second. “Don’t forget our deal!”

H.G. laughs. “How could I? Why, that would mean going back on an agreement made with a police detective, and that sounds practically _criminal_.”

Claudia beams. “This is going to be the best arrest _ever_.”

“Even better than the ones where you actually manage to convict someone?”

Claudia waves a hand. “Come on, H.G. That’s so not even the point any more. See you!” she yells, running down the front walk, and H.G.’s delighted laughter follows her all the way down to her car.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who sent me messages about how much they love this 'verse--in my head, it's easy to tell myself that no one remembers it, or everyone's probably tired of it, or no one is still interested after all this time. Getting messages reminding me that people are, as always, waiting for me to get my ass into gear is what reminds me to open that file and finish that story and come up with that title. So, guys: fic doesn't have dedication pages, but if it did, it would be all you, all the time.
> 
> Thanks also to acommonrose/zornslemon, who always ends up having to offer advice, editing, and sympathetic nods while I whine about how hard my life is. She's also informed me that I've locked myself into having to write the direct sequel where H.G. actually wears the black leather catsuit. Which, like, okay. Yeah. I saw that coming. (But you know it's just going to be all Myka staring at H.G.'s ass while H.G. smirks, right? I don't know how long that's funny for.)
> 
> If you want to say hi, drop me a comment or come visit me on tumblr, where I'm attilarrific.
> 
> <3, attila.
> 
> Edit, 3/5/2016: I wrote the catsuit fic. It's the next fic in this series, so it should be pretty easy to find.


End file.
